Posting for Relief (Lainey's Story)

Ok so I have a ton of things to get off my mind.
First, I have a baby. Lainey Rae Thompson was born on my birthday, November 11, 2019, at 1:27 pm. She was 6 lbs 12 oz and 18 inches long. She was also a month early. Honestly, she is so beautiful and I love her so much.
My water broke at 12:15 am on the 11th and we went to the hospital. I didn't wake up in a puddle, I woke up feeling like I had to pee and went to the bathroom but the stuff was leaking all over me and I knew that it wasn't pee. I woke Masen up and said "So I don't want to freak you out or anything but I think my water just broke." So we, very peacefully, packed up a bag for me and went to the hospital. They put me in a room and took some tests to make sure that I was ruptured and sure enough, I was. So then they were like you're not going home, you're gonna have a baby.
It was the first time in my life that I stayed up almost all night. I was dilated to a 3 when we first got there. I was contracting every 2.5 minutes but I couldn't feel it for whatever reason. I think they were just little contractions. And then the day continued to progress. The contractions got worse, more and more painful. So I asked for an epidural and I'm really glad I did. They got it put in my back and my legs went numb, but unfortunately, I could still feel all the contractions. So after a little bit the guy came back in and took it out and put it up higher on my back. Then everything went numb and it felt sooooo good. I'm so glad I got an epidural. It also didn't slow my progression at all and then I was able to go to sleep for an hour and a half before everything went crazy. By 7 am I was dilated to a 6. By 10 am I was dilated to a 10 and ready to go. They didn't want me to go yet though because they thought her head was turned the wrong way. I started pushing around 10:30 and kept pushing for 3 hours. It wasn't super painful, just uncomfortable. It turned out that she was sideways and the doctor had to shove her whole hand up my vagina twice to try to turn her around. It worked the second time and I finally got her out. I don't think I've ever been as exhausted as I was. I was SO tired. Pushing a baby out for that long is so exhausting. But then she was out and they took her over to the cleaning area. She had an alien shaped head which was really silly looking, but she was doing really well. I'm so glad that she came early. She was really big for 35 weeks and she would have been HUGE if she had been in there the whole time.
They got my placenta out and then commenced with stitching me up cuz I tore a little bit. That was painful. I could feel it a bit cuz the epidural was wearing off. So awful.
Before they took her to the NICU, I got to hold her. My sweet little Lainey. She snuggled right up and continued crying but she has the cutest little cry and I didn't even care. Masen got to hold her too. He cried when he first saw her and he was SUPER helpful while I was in labor. He held my leg so that I was in a good position to push her out. It was very nice of him.
Since she was born, she's been in the NICU the whole time. We go and visit her and she's getting better. They were worried about her blood sugar at first but then they got an IV in her and that got a better. And then they were worried about other things like her white blood cell count which was high which meant that she could have an infection. She doesn't and that's gone down which is nice. I've been pumping milk for her and been getting better and better at it. Lainey's main issue is learning how to eat which she's not very good at yet. She's still learning.
My biggest issue right now is that she's not here with me at home. It's so sad. Also Mary and Patti have been really annoying to me today. Patti just seems to pessimistic and it's driving me crazy. Mary is trying to be encouraging and also telling me what to do. My hormones are making them seem SO annoying to me. I just need to calm down... Like really. It's all gonna be okay. I know it is.
Here's my baby.

Trust

This week, we've been reading from 2 Peter in my religion class. Peter is full of great little verses that would help anyone and I found a lot of strength in 2 Peter 1:16. It says:
"For we have not followed cunningly devised fables, when we made known unto you the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but were eyewitnesses of his majesty."
I have known a lot of people that have struggled with the gospel and what the Church asks of us. One of my friends in particular got ahold of some anti- teachings and read there that the Church brainwashes us. When she first told me that, I was shocked. Why on earth would she have believed that? But then I started thinking about all the things that she doesn't like about the Church anymore and I began to understand. When we forget that the leaders of the Church are men and women of God and that they have spent their entire lives trying to draw closer to the Lord and understand His will, we can believe anything about the leaders of the Church. Just like Peter said, I'm sure President Nelson would say or President Monson or even Joseph Smith, "We have not followed cunningly devised fables... but were eyewitnesses of his majesty." As a matter of fact, Joseph Smith did say something similar to this:
"And now, after the many testimonies which have been given of him, this is the testimony, last of all, which we give of him: That he lives!
For we saw him, even on the right hand of God; and we heard the voice bearing record that he is the Only Begotten of the Father-" (D&C 76:22-23)

When we are little, we have our parents' testimonies to rely on, along with those of our teachers and friends. As we get older, we are expected to learn and grow and create our own testimony, founded on the teachings of the gospel. If we let that slide and make our testimonies weak, we have no one to blame but ourselves and we will hear, like Peter says, "For it had been better for them not to have known righteousness, than, after they have known it, to turn from the holy commandment delivered unto them" (2 Peter 2:21). We are responsible for ourselves and for our own conversion. Make sure that you are fully converted and that you have a strong testimony, or you will have a really hard time in days to come.

Faith

This week we were reading in Hebrews and chapter 11 is all about faith and how important it is. The chapter uses all sorts of examples from the Old Testament, examples of people who had strong faith, starting from Abel and heading all the way to people who were stoned which is referring to those in the New Testament. There's some really interesting examples but I just loved the message that chapter gave. The message was: faith is trusting in God and knowing that we don't have to know everything to get by. I feel like this has been a really important theme in my life. I know the gospel is true. I can't give a specific example of a time in my life when that has been testified to me, but I know that it's true.
All throughout my life I have tried to have strong faith. I have tried to believe in God and trust that everything's going to work out okay. This has helped me get through some really hard times in my life. Everyone has different trials and we all change as we make our way through them. Faith is what has given me strength to make it through. Faith has changed me and molded me into the person I am today. Faith gives me hope and it makes me more optimistic. Life sucks sometimes but when I have faith I can see through the dark times to the other side. Faith is a blessing and we are required to keep it strong and if we don't then we struggle. I don't ever want to struggle more than I need to. When I have faith, I know that Heavenly Father has my back and that he's watching out for me. My Savior is there and He is walking through anything with me, always.

The Church is True

One of the biggest statements by members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is that our church is the true church. We don't say this to insult other religions or to claim that we are better than them. Every religion that brings you closer to Heavenly Father and Jesus is a good one. But there's a big difference between being a good church and being a true church.
In Ephesians 2:19-20, Paul says, "Now, therefore ye are no more strangers and foreigners, but fellowcitizens with the saints, and of the household of God.
And are built upon the foundation of apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ himself being the chief corner stone."
This is pretty significant. An Apostle of the Lord is telling us all what the foundation of the Church of Christ must be. There must be apostles and prophets who are called of God and Jesus Christ must be the chief corner stone of that church. Seems pretty simple to me. Later on, in Ephesians 4, he continues telling us why we need apostles and prophets. "For the perfecting of the saints, for the work of the ministry, for the edifying of the body of Christ:
Till we all come in the unity of the faith, and of the knowledge of the Son of God, unto a perfect man, unto the measure of the stature of the fulness of Christ.
That we henceforth be no more children, tossed to and fro, and carried about with every wind of doctrine, by the sleight of men, and cunning craftiness, whereby they lie in wait to deceive" (verses 12-14).
Along with the prophets and apostles come revelation from God and we need that revelation because without it we would be so lost. The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints is the true church because we have prophets and apostles who receive revelation for the world. Jesus Christ is also the chief corner stone of our religion. He is the center of all of our teachings and without Him, our church would fail.  I know this is the true church. I know that President Russell M. Nelson is a prophet of God and he loves all of us. He receives revelation for us. The apostles are also called of God. This is the true church. You won't find a truer one on the earth today because this is the Church that Jesus Christ established on the earth, restored to these modern times for all of us, so we can know the correct way to get back to Him someday.

Be not Ashamed

Romans 1:16 says, "For I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ: for it is the power of God unto salvation to every one that believeth; to the Jew first, and also to the Greek." Ashamed can be defined as "embarrassed or guilty of one's actions, characteristics, or associations." Paul is teaching the Romans in this book and he felt that this was an important thing to share with them.
I am not ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ either. It is peace and happiness in this life even when chaos abounds. It is the truth in a confusing world. It is safety and joy and blesses my life. I know the gospel is the power of God unto salvation. I feel so loved when I am obedient to my Heavenly Father. People sometimes wonder about members of the Church and why they do what they do. Why they're so obedient. Well there are many reasons for each person. But I think the main reason for each person who stays with the gospel for their whole life is because of the love they feel when they obey and the peace that comes with making good choices. When you obey, you know that God is pleased with you and I don't know why anyone would want anyone else's approval but His. His approval is the most important thing you could ever receive.
I love the gospel and the light it brings into my life. I love that I can share that light with those around me and help their lives become better. I know the gospel is essential for true and lasting happiness in this life. Without it, our happiness becomes fleeting and unfulfilling.

Marriage

Marriage is essential to Heavenly Father's plan. It always has been and it always will be. And that means marriage between a man and a woman, no other way. When a marriage is between a man and a woman, they can start a family. For the most part that family can happen in a natural way. Of course some families struggle to have children, but that's okay because if they can't have them in this life, Heavenly Father has promised that they can in the next life. They will have an increase without end, if they are faithful. This applies to all families that are sealed in the temple and live righteously.
"Husband and wife have a solemn responsibility to love and care for each other and for their children" (The Family: Proclamation to the World, paragraph 6). This is what is expected of us from our Heavenly Father. It's super important that we heed this council. This week in my New Testament class we were reading in 1 Corinthians and I read chapter 7. I had never read this chapter before but a verse stuck out to me. That was verse 3: "Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband." Now, I had a general idea of what benevolence meant, but I wanted to know for sure. It means the quality of being well-meaning or kindness. Pretty simple. This verse means that a husband and wife should be kind to each other. I thought it was very sweet that Paul felt that people should be reminded to be kind to each other.
One of the main things that my father-in-law encourages my husband and I to do is to be kind to each other. It's like the only thing he encourages us to do. I think kindness is so important in marriage. We promised to be with each other for forever. Would you want to be sealed to someone who wasn't nice to you? When you're deciding who to marry, always ask yourself if the person you're dating respects you and if they're kind to you. This applies to men and women, cuz I know there are some women out there who aren't very nice.
I remember when I was single and had roommates and my roommates would come home from a date. We'd always ask them how it went and what he was like and they would say he was a very kind person. That's it. But they said it in a way that gave it a negative connotation and we knew that she wouldn't be going on a date with him again. It made me think that when they were using the word kind to describe him, that was synonymous with boring. Kind doesn't mean boring! Kind means kind and kind is a great thing to be. Marriages should involve kindness and love and caring.

Motherhood

The main thing I learned this week wasn't from the reading or class or anything but it's even more important. I learned it from Sacrament meeting today from a talk by one of my friends. She talked about being a mother to her two little girls and she said that her favorite scripture story to read is about Mother Eve. Eve was in a beautiful spot, the Garden of Eden, with her husband. Their lives were simple and easy there and without trials. But was she truly happy? No, because she wasn't complete. She didn't have any children and she knew she needed them. Motherhood was her calling. She didn't experience true joy until she became a mother, even if it wasn't in the most ideal place.

Thinking about this, I can relate a lot to Eve. My life has been relatively easy I would say. I've had trials but I've overcome them and learned a lot from them. Being currently pregnant again after a miscarriage, I understand what Eve went through. I used to be in a beautiful, easy place as well. Yes, there were some trials but nothing like what's coming for me. And yet, there will be true joy down the road as well because our family will grow. I have never experienced the joys of motherhood, and I'm so excited to get to have them. Like Eve, it takes sacrifices to experience true joy. I am willing to sacrifice everything for my little one and I know that because of that, I will be guided by my Savior as I welcome this little one into the world at the end of this year. I'm grateful for all the women in my life who have sacrificed for me and for the love they have shown me.

Courage

As members of the Church we need to be courageous. All the time. In my New Testament class this week we learned about Saul. I had read Saul's story before, but this time his courage really stood out to me. I like to compare his story to that of Alma the Younger. They were both pretty bad guys. They went around trying to destroy the Church. There are always people out there who try that it seems.
Saul even advertised to everyone he talked to that he was going to destroy the church and arrest the Apostles. And then he has this huge spiritual experience and loses his sight for a little bit. He gets it back with a blessing and is baptized. He then becomes one of the most devout servants of the Savior ever. Acts 9:21-22 says
"But all that heard him were amazed, and said; Is not this he that destroyed them which called on this name in Jerusalem, and came hither for that intent, that he might bring them bound unto the chief priests?
But Saul increased the more in strength and confounded the Jews which dwelt at Damascus, proving that this is very Christ."
Saul completely turned his life around and took back everything that he had said before. That's what the gospel does to people. When we are truly converted, we become changed. We change into what the Savior needs us to be. We forget ourselves and we become more like Him. It takes a lot of courage to stand up for our beliefs and we need that courage every single day of our lives.

Different Is Good

I've been thinking a lot recently about the phrase "a peculiar people." The verse actually goes, "For thou art an holy people unto the Lord thy God, and the Lord hath chosen thee to be a peculiar people unto himself, above all the nations that are upon the world" (Deuteronomy 14:2). Along with that, I've been thinking about just how different the Church has become from the rest of the world. Take the Proclamation to the World for example. That document is amazing and so full of truth. But almost everything it teaches is the exact opposite of what the world believes. It discusses gender, how that cannot be changed. It discusses how marriage is between a man and a woman. It talks about children and their need to be raised in a home with two loving parents who are faithful to each other. It talks about the need for the gospel to be taught in the home. It talks about families being together forever when we keep our covenants. It talks about so many amazing truths that the world disagrees with. The world wants everyone to be focused on themselves and their hopes and dreams. It doesn't care that children aren't being born until late in life, as long as the father and mother are well established in their careers. It doesn't care that children are being aborted, that they are literally killing babies, as long as it was the mother's choice because it is her body *insert eye-roll emoji here*. It doesn't care about men being with men and women being with women, as long as they're happy together. That is definitely NOT part of God's plan. The world is becoming more and more wicked. Why would I EVER want to be a part of that world? Why would I want to be part of a group of people who are frustrating Heavenly Father's plan? Don't they understand that they're going to bring about their own destruction? Apparently not.
We were watching a movie last night and the bad guy made a statement that made me so sad. He said God had abandoned us. He said to look around at the world and see all the awful things that have happened. NOT TRUE. God has not abandoned us and He never will. We have abandoned Him. We have forgotten who put us here and what He has done for us. We have moved away from Him. And every day more and more people get further from Him. That WON'T be me. I refuse to let that happen. I love being different from the world.
1 Nephi 14:14 says, "And it came to pass that I, Nephi, beheld the power of the Lamb of God, that it descended upon the saints of the church of the Lamb, and upon the covenant people of the Lord, who were scattered upon all the face of the earth; and they were armed with righteousness and with the power of God in great glory." How could anyone leave the church, knowing what they know and what will happen when they join the world in the great and spacious building? And great will be the fall thereof. It's just so frustrating. I hate losing friends and family members. I'm sure Heavenly Father feels the same, probably even more so. Unfortunately, like Heavenly Father, I can't take away someone's right to choose. I just have to worry about myself and how I feel and what I believe and try to help those around me draw closer to Him. It's all I can do. But with His help, it should be enough to bless those around me. I love being a peculiar person, more specifically one of His peculiar people. I never want to change that. It's not worth it.